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 As heard on Inspired at Home Radio October 18, 2009 - GO>> <<Return to 10-18-09 Radio page |
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Emergency First Aid for Dealing with Criticism Have you ever had your creative spirit temporarily squashed by criticism? Ouch! As your emotions lay there quivering, disoriented and humiliated like a butterfly hit with a stick you might feel angry, confused and sad. Believe me we have all been there. Sometimes we're so afraid of being criticized or rejected that we keep our creativity bottled up inside of us and don't let it out. Julia Cameron says, “Criticism can make an artist feel like a shamed child. Shamed by criticism an artist may become blocked. Not all criticism is shaming. In fact even the most severe criticism when it fairly hits the mark is apt to be greeted by an internal ah hah if it shows the artist a new and valid path for work. The criticism that damages is that which disparages, dismisses ridicules or condemns.” If you have had your creative wind knocked out of you so the first think you need to do is … Breathe. Breathing is healing. “Breathe, fear is excitement without the breath.” says Fritz Perls. “The less breath you feed your fear the bigger your fear gets, take big easy breaths when you feel fear” encourages Gay Hendricks. So breathe and give you body mind and soul a chance to regroup and recover. People might say. Don’t take it seriously, just blow it off, let it go. But in the moment it hurts and you are dazed and confused. So breathe and allow the healing to begin. Awareness. Don’t stuff these feelings down and ignore them or they will eat at you. Journal about the incident or talk it out. Talk to a loving supportive friend. Get to the core of what you are really feeling. Did they touch a nerve? Uncover a deep fear, or was the criticism about their stuff and fears? This criticism may not have anything to do with you anyway; it might just be a reflection of that person's own happiness, state of mind and comfort with themselves. Restart your heart and wrap yourself in kindness. Have some empowering esteem building phrases ready to go for a moment like this. Jack Canfield says “I am loveable and capable”. I say, "I am divine love and loved I am." God has blessed you with talent and your gift is unique and has value in the world. When you feel like you have been hit by the shaming truck of criticism. It is so important to have some phrases in your emotional first aid kit to restart your heart. Do something that you love to do. Create a loving joyful experience for yourself and immerse yourself in it. Music, water, and nature can be very healing. Get a massage! Smell some lavender and enjoy some aromatherapy. Keep a little Rescue Remedy in your purse. Julia Cameron shares “The antidote for shame is self-love and self-praise. That is what I did. I went on a walk. Prayed. Made a list of my past compliments and good reviews. I did not tell myself it does not matter. But I did tell my self you will heal.” Explore the possibilities and the choices before you. Feel what you need to feel but when the time comes, shift into healing. Don’t dwell and wallow in self-pity. Love and forgive. Treat your inner artist child kindly and do what you can to heal. Emotional wounds are real wounds and require time, healing time, just like a physical wound would do. Do self-nurturing, positive things. Eat healthy life-giving foods. Move your body and get some fresh air. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive them for not being who you hoped they would be and for not treating you how you would like to be treated. Be gentle with yourself. Cheryl Richardson encourages you to ask yourself these questions about the criticism. "What am I afraid of? What can you teach me?” Once you've decided what to do with the feedback you've received, be selective and willing to let go of what hurts. Perspective. Remember one of my favorite quotes “rejection is God's protection". “Remember that even if you have made a truly rotten piece of art it may be a necessary stepping stone to your next work. Art matures spasmodically and requires ugly duckling growth stages” Reminds Julia Cameron. Look at the big picture, mission and purpose of your life. This is just one moment and opportunity for growth. Are you going to let a bad feeling, insult, comment or review decide your future? What positive things can you learn from a negative situation? What is your anger telling you? Are you a big fish in a small pond and you need to expand your limits and play in a bigger body of water? Take
action. Don’t let fear and judgment stop you
from expressing yourself or your creativity! Take action.
Open new doors and dance through them! Make new connections.
Build new friendships. Network. Put you eggs in more
baskets. Plant
seeds. Get back on the horse. “Make an immediate commitment
to do something creative. Do it! Creativity is the only cure
for criticism.” Julia Cameron.
I read somewhere that productive work helps rest the
emotions…and that is so true.
Duke Ellington said ´”I
just took the energy that it takes to pout and wrote some
blues Lastly be magnificent for yourself and embrace your own utter fabulousness… Terry Cole Whitaker teaches us in her book “What you think of me is none of my business.” “If I run my life on the basis of what you think of me I can destroy my own self, my essence, even the God within that can allow me to be loving, healthy, abundant and fully self expressed. To the degree that I live my life in an effort to please others I chip away at myself. If I focus my energies on pleasing other people my life will be less magnificent that it can be.” When you are brave and brilliant enough to put yourself and your work out there it is bound to happen so let’s be prepared. These tools for dealing with criticism and moving through the fear and pain of being hurt have served me well. Keep your Emergency tool kit stocked with loving phrases, remember to breathe and celebrate your unique talents and abilities. Your message of growth and healing is a great gift to the world. Use this opportunity to emerge stronger and better and celebrate your creative spirit! For more great tips on learning how to comfort our inner artist child over unfair criticism... read The Artists Way pages 69 to 73
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